


love, in dimensions

by rensshi



Category: NCT (Band), WayV (Band)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Making Out, Sexual Content, college break au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-28 19:51:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20069641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rensshi/pseuds/rensshi
Summary: “Be careful. You're walking into a glass door to a giant cliché of a Netflix original, co-starring Hendery,” Yuqi tells Lucas, reaches over sympathetically and pats the top of his head like she would to a giant labrador.





	love, in dimensions

**Author's Note:**

> when will this pairing rise...this probably has so many mistakes that i may fix a little later because i reached the end of my writing/editing capacity for this but thank you to crackle for helping me associate wong yukhei w/ many lovely things to keep me going T_T
> 
> edit: this is FIXED for the most part, with chunks of extra dialogue at the end added because i was a sleep-deprived mess upon posting this.
> 
> a [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/5TDNFZ8OnxsYAyXu4yklCT?si=pWwMBhNaQy-NG4RazxbZCA) for this fic ✨
> 
> additional warning for recreational drug use.

"the space  
which wind fills readily again

space is not place but  
is the possibility:" - [Bin Ramke](https://poets.org/poem/map-my-lesser-years)

Lucas Wong has been praised for his good memory on the things that really matter, besides his passwords. He’s never forgotten a promise he’s made with other people. He was born during a sunset, according to the time stamp on his birth certificate, but lingers and turns toward what he believes in, the way a sunflower faces the sun. He’s careful with his words when it counts, and profusely apologizes when he has to cancel late dinners and makes it up with brunches. It’s one of his best qualities aside from his face, according to his exes. 

The usefulness of this quality resurfaces in the steadily rising warmth where May ends and so does the semester:

“Be a good friend and _ date me_, please,” Lucas recites. “That’s exactly what you said.”

Hendery wrinkles his nose at him in silent, scandalized denial, and then sips on his watered down 7-Eleven slushie. Some time earlier in spring, Hendery got hit on for the nth time by a guy thrice his size in body mass and probably lying about his age at a bar. While he hadn’t really needed taking care of, he’d still said it. 

All it takes is for Hendery to thumb through his inbox of people sliding into his DMs and Instagram chat (it’s even weirder when a few of them are people they used to go to school with) who clearly want to try to start something, to say okay. Hendery isn’t really into hooking up, hasn’t been for a while.

They’re back home for the summer and enjoying the vacation a week into it at a house party.

Lucas has already set himself on fire trying to cook for Kun. He has a 20-slide PowerPoint presentation to convince Xiaojun’s strict parents to let him go on their future Guangzhou trip with their friends. It worked on getting permission from Hendery’s paranoid mom for a holiday spent at Yangyang’s manor of a vacation home. 

“So what more is the bedroom eyes you’re bringing out for Hendery, is what you mean?” Yangyang says, after he’s had Lucas explain the whole ordeal to him in Renjun’s kitchen. Renjun didn’t organize this party. Donghyuck Lee just used his house as a venue. 

“Renjun told me Donghyuck almost cried when he saw you two because it wasn’t fair that the universe decided to pitch good-looking people like you together. Shut up,” Yangyang throws in for good measure.

“Thanks,” Lucas replies anyway, to which Yangyang ignores and ducks out of Lucas’ headlock of affection. 

The party is full of (former) high school kids; just graduated, Yangyang included. Lucas waddles through like a giant crab through the moist body heat sliding against him, flailing limbs almost swatting him in the face when they push through the thickest of the crowd to reach the patio outside. When Lucas finds Hendery, he announces that he’s got a 10 am class the next day by jumping onto Lucas in a piggyback.

“But it’s summer! Summer!” Lucas chokes out. Hendery’s breath comes out in a gasp when Lucas hitches him up on his back, entirely too hot on the back of his neck.

“I meant soccer. I’m teaching kids this summer remember?” It’s all due to the white moms in the neighborhood next to theirs and Sicheng is vacationing back in China so Hendery has to sub for him. “This is what happens when your roommate is Kun. Your bones are wearing out,” he says when Lucas stumbles. “You can do this, I used to ride you all the time. Gross,” Hendery huffs when Lucas laughs too loudly in response.

“You missed this,” Lucas says, trying to glance over his shoulder, hitches Hendery up higher to keep him from slipping.

Hendery hums to himself, seems to take the bait Lucas likes to dangle playfully in front of him. “Yeah I did,” he admits to the back of Lucas' head, a honeyed rumbling into his hair that he can feel against his back. 

Lucas smiles wide, in spite of someone spilling their drink over his shoes. He miraculously maneuvers his way through the sticky throng of people while Hendery does nothing but cling on to his shoulders. The last person they say goodbye to is a drunk Mark Lee who calls out to them by the open door, “I’m so fucking happy for you guys! Make love, not war and stay safe!”

  
  
\-------

Between Hendery trying to maintain a scholarship, putting in time for the student entrepreneurship club, and Lucas actually keeping up with readings for his marketing classes and volunteering at the nearest animal shelter, things had been fine. The late dinners out or the occasional visit to KTown with Jungwoo and Kun were always enough.

“So why are you pretending to date again?” Yuqi asks, after she’s done drinking half of Lucas' boba. 

“Because I’m a good friend? And Hendery just wants me to support his pillar of abstinence for now until he finds someone important?” 

“Come on, half the people at that party were from our old school. People are going to talk,” Yuqi spells out for him in disbelief. “Even more so now that he’s gotten so”— Yuqi scrunches up her face, struggling to say what they know everyone’s thinking: handsome. “Jiwon still mildly regrets that she turned him down,” she says.

Jiwon Park had also laughed at him and called him gay while at it, but as far as Lucas knows, bridges weren’t dramatically burned because Hendery now has her to thank for sending him into his sexuality crisis in middle school. That, and the one summer, she apologized at the food court in the mall when she and her friends were waiting to take the table the boys had just vacated. The memory makes Lucas cringe. 

“Does his definition of abstinence like, not include hand stuff?” Yuqi starts doing the hand gesture before she abruptly stops like she’s realized they’re in public, at the outdoor seats of this boba place. But the only other customers around them are a young child and her stern-looking grandfather who seems hard of hearing, and a couple making out in Lucas' line of sight. 

“Um, those things?” Lucas says slowly, mirroring Yuqi’s hand movements. “I don’t know. We were bored. It was Hendery’s idea and I just—enabled it.”

“Wasn’t he your first kiss?” Yuqi asks tentatively.

“Oh my God. I forgot I told you that. At least my Ted talk worked?” Lucas squeaks, his voice breaking. He smiles at Yuqi, who just rolls her eyes at him before she smooths down her hair, the black roots more obvious now on her blonde dye job. 

Fourth grade, Hendery had kissed Lucas because he wanted to know if kissing boys were any different from girls. It wasn’t. But the point was, Lucas had opened his mouth stupidly, used his tongue, and Hendery freaked out, which made Lucas conscious about making out for a while. It was silly, almost forgettable even—Lucas doesn’t remember much of it because his brain has repressed the details of something as skin-crawling and straight up weird as kissing one of your best friends, but he’d tried to recall it to make Yuqi feel better after she’d knocked teeth with a boy she liked at Xiaojun’s thirteenth birthday party. The second time he'd brought it up to Yuqi was in junior year of high school, when Lucas and her were both stoned and ended up making out for a minute in Yangyang's room before Yangyang walked in. That part stays in the past, between the three of them, deep within the nooks of Yangyang's room.

“It doesn’t actually...feel too different from how we usually are. We’re so well-behaved it’s like we’ve been married for fifty years,” Lucas describes. 

Yuqi blinks once. “Nice to know you both are boring and aren't going to be unbearable to be around.”

“Exactly,” Lucas says, perking up in his seat. "Thinking of using pet names. Should we?”

Yuqi narrows her eyes at him while Lucas feels like his stomach’s been thrown into a stormy sea of icebergs at the way she’s looking him over.

“Be careful. You’re walking into a glass door to a giant cliché of a Netflix original, co-starring Hendery,” she tells him. Reaches over sympathetically and pats the top of Lucas’ head like she would a giant labrador. 

  
\-------

There are three things that Lucas rotates between describing himself, if he doesn’t count devilishly handsome as one of them.

One: he’s reliable. Never mind the fact that he can get as loud as sirens on a rushing firetruck and his voice modulation was so bad that the librarian from his high school had his name on a special blacklist somewhere taped to her desk. He’s fast on his feet for chasing after someone who’d dropped their keycard on the way out of class, and has aced almost all his presentations so far in the previous semester. In high school he’d always contributed to group projects even if he kept getting mitosis and meiosis mixed up. 

Two: he learns best by applying his knowledge. He can remember things like the Pareto principle because it’s basically his fitness regimen. He finally made a one-pot meal successfully when he found out how to use Kun’s magical rice cooker all by himself without his guidance.

Three: he’s smart. Kind of. Not with a really good GPA like Hendery, who transferred schools after eighth grade because his mom decided to find better teachers. In senior year, Hendery had gone on to text Lucas about the early acceptance letter and an academic scholarship to a university with the best name in the state. Lucas had many other options lined up because his parents assured him that schools like UCLA and UC Berkeley were only two choices out of others. 

Thus, brought up by generally down-to-earth parents with an undeniable eccentricity and romanticism on his father’s side that has influenced Lucas, he thinks he is smart in the vein of practicality. The kind of practicality that sinks in so he learns to stop double texting Hendery when he’s left on read more often after Hendery transferred. Learned to accept the disjointed conversations, and appreciate the memes and emoji responses Hendery still sent to Lucas' snaps. 

Eighth grade was where his soft spot for Hendery peaked. Much of his memories back then with Hendery was spent going to their school’s games to cheer Sicheng on the team. Listening to him talk aloud and Hendery letting Lucas ramble about all his favorite scenes when they sat through films together. He helped babysit Lucas’ brother so often that his parents couldn’t _ not _fondly treat him like another son. Fondness missed the details where it was due—Hendery being one of Lucas’ favorite people was a better way to describe it. 

And just like that, Hendery’s absence from the school hallways and cafeteria must have scooped out something he took with him when he moved schools. Lucas was never afraid to admit the small cavity Hendery left behind somewhere in his ribs, the spatial volume of it not quite filled by other friends. Its volume shrank significantly when he saw Hendery during summer vacations throughout high school, through all their anticipated movie releases with Xiaojun and Yangyang, or visiting with extra _ da bin lou _and stir fry because their families were close. 

When Lucas received his acceptance letters from two of the best universities in the state, he got tear stains on the paper because his mom cried first.

Then it was like a beacon shining behind the round eyes Lucas saw belonging to a face he’d been dying to squish between his hands and yell _ I MISSED YOU _ in person, and a signal that draws Lucas into hugging Hendery so hard that he lifted his slight figure off the ground when they met up in college. The words spilled out of Lucas' mouth like a warm bubbling stream, pools from a collection of all the unimportant, little things he’s sectioned away under the categories of _ oh Hendery would laugh at this _ and _ Hendery would find this cool_. 

“You can meet my roommate! Did I mention my roommate? Kun is in his third year but he’s so nice. It’ll be cool especially since you’re here,” Lucas rambled. 

“Of course,” Hendery replied right away, eyes crinkling even when he let go of Lucas' wrist, having clutched onto it the whole time.

  
  
\-------

“We’ve been together for four weeks, but really it’s been three?” Lucas clarifies. It’s been three weeks since they shook on this. “We gotta decide on the details,” Lucas says, prodding Hendery’s arm. 

There is probably literally no one who wants to know everything. But they’ll pass by Chenle Zhong at the tiny overcrowded Starbucks on the way out near the escalators later on. Ahead of them is Mark Lee, who Lucas used to copy his chem homework off of and now hangs around at the moviehouse on weekday afternoons to talk to Renjun who works part-time behind the popcorn machine. It’s a Thursday afternoon. 

Hendery pulls out his wallet. “Yes. Four because we can say we got together at the end of finals week during last sem. I kind of already said that when Jaemin asked at Donghyuck’s party,” he coughs. His face pales at what he has left in his wallet after getting food, and swears because they’re already nearing the movie ticket counter. Lucas brings out his wallet and assures him he’ll cover for him if Hendery buys them popcorn. “Thanks man. Remind me to stop by the ATM right after. Now where was I?”

“Got together at the end of finals. Our backstory has its origins set in puppy love, basically,” Lucas says absently, giving the perfunctory smile and _ thank you _ when he’s handed the tickets.

“Right. And you could say that when Kun was dead asleep and couldn’t make his one-pot rice bowls whenever I dropped by your dorm, you charmed your way into my heart when you started doing them yourself _ and _took me out for all those ice cream runs at night.” Those details half spun from reality sound so mundane, no one would really want to listen anyway.

“So what happens if you meet someone at the next party?”

Hendery shakes his head immediately. “On summer break? And cause me to take time away from Breath of the Wild? No way,” he says stubbornly.

“It could just hit you like a hurricane, and _ bam_, you meet someone new and interesting, you’re having a great time but asking for their number would make you look weird because you’re already taken,” Lucas explains, quoting the last word by curling his fingers.

Hendery gives him a look, one side of his mouth quirked. “Sorry I'm just a loyal boyfriend.”

“Are you implying I’m not?” Lucas puts on a hurt expression and the way Hendery rolls his eyes doesn’t disappoint him. 

Hendery holds out his hand as his version of an apology. If there’s a joke here, Lucas misses it; his face reads _ if you want to, but dude are you really gonna leave me hanging, _ so Lucas takes his hand wordlessly as they stroll to the popcorn stand. In Yangyang’s words, it’s like playing gay chicken, but admittedly so cute it makes Yangyang gag. Everything’s chill, no stakes set stupidly high. Lucas leaves his grip loose on purpose for Hendery to let go anytime. His hand stays with Lucas’ until he has to take out his wallet again.

Mark waves at them enthusiastically from the other end of the counter, and Lucas’ cheeks burn. Renjun drizzles extra caramel and butter on Hendery’s popcorn by way of saying _ I’m sorry this isn’t a restaurant and you’re not engaged so we can’t give you complimentary dessert but hey, we can make this sweeter for the new couple. _ He orders a drink for Lucas too—Coke Zero instead of the Dr. Pepper that used to be his default before his preference changed recently. Lucas feels strangely touched that Hendery noticed.

When the movie starts, he stifles his laughter and places a sticky hand over Hendery’s mouth to get him to stop talking when Hendery informs him it was also a clever attempt to prevent handjobs in the theater, as threatened by Renjun in hushed Mandarin as he handed over the popcorn to Hendery. 

  
  
\-------

The summer sludges on as usual with clear skies and sunsets so vibrant one could reach up, expect to have their finger dipped in pink and indigo ink. 

Lucas finds another weekend, another thing they’re invited to. He goes not really knowing what to expect because Mark has a few of his old friends over from out of the state and Lucas promised Mark he'd show up. 

There are boundaries they’ve discussed, like negotiating between getting waffles, pizza or bagel microwaveables at the store.

Hendery and him don’t do much other than hold hands (really so Lucas doesn’t lose sight of Hendery for too long when they’re not dancing stupid). They don’t kiss either, and personally, Lucas feels proud of this because some of the people Lucas dated seemed to have had a penchant for obnoxious PDA.

It’s fine until he sees someone talking to Hendery, a guy with broad shoulders and a baseball cap who is probably one of Mark’s friends from out of town bunking with him. Yuqi had pushed Lucas forward urging him to go swoop in but really, Hendery doesn’t look uncomfortable. He looks the opposite, totally engaged in conversation. Eyes bright, animated movements and a perpetual smile. 

Baseball Cap looks round at Lucas in surprise when his loud, booming _ hey baaaabe _carries over. The resolve to deliver a convincing performance as Hendery Wong’s Boyfriend falters like a gushing faucet switched down to a pathetic trickle when Lucas reaches them and he peers at the guy. 

“Hi! You look oddly familiar,” Lucas says. It’s the first, honest thing that comes to mind. He’s too busy trying to place where he’s seen this guy and his dimples to mind Hendery gaping at him like a fish first before he introduces him as—

“Jaehyun. This is Jaehyun,” Hendery says, nudging Lucas with his elbow. “And this is my Xuxi—I mean, well his other name’s Xuxi but of course people here don’t really remember that so he goes by Lucas, so. Yeah Lucas is my—boyfriend.” Lucas gives the perfunctory nod, ruffling Hendery’s hair by habit before he remembers to place a hand on his shoulder, fingers curling over the base of his neck so it’ll look convincing enough.

Jaehyun adjusts his baseball cap so Lucas can see his eyes more clearly. “Then, hi Lucas. I’m friends with Mark and Yuta. I’m just—staying at Mark’s place for my trip here,” he smiles, despite the tightness of it, like he’s nervous and slightly conscious about his accent. The dimples show again around a sheepish smile. 

“He’s from South Korea,” Hendery adds. “He knows Johnny Seo too.”

Jaehyun nods. “Yeah, it’s too bad he can’t come tonight because he said he has to be at his”—

“Dad’s birthday?” Lucas finishes, leaning forward in excitement when Jaehyun says yes. “You’re that guy! Johnny mentioned you some several times last semester. Are you his friend that moved to South Korea?”

“He showed us your pic too,” Hendery interjects helpfully.

Lucas feels a prickling guilt, when he looks between them both. He can only chalk the feeling up to worry, that he’s dampening any possible chances for Hendery to end up with someone who could be good for him. 

Jaehyun’s voice rings through the buzz. “How long have you two been dating?” He asks them, good-natured.

“About a month,” Hendery replies. “People tell us getting married would be easy. It’s more flattering than being mistaken as brothers.” Hendery says with a wry smile.

Jaehyun has probably already been mistaken as being related to another Jung by at least _ one _ of Johnny’s white friends because he laughs at this. Lucas can see the stars in Hendery’s eyes when he watches him.

When Jaehyun gets whisked away by someone, Lucas leans in towards Hendery’s ear. “Can’t get his number now can you?”

Hendery clicks his tongue at him. “Wasn’t going to.”

“Sure,” Lucas says, squeezing his shoulder. He doesn’t know if he should really worry, wait for Hendery to say something but he’s tugging on Lucas’ wrist before he can ask.

“Did you want to stay longer?”

He doesn’t allow himself to get past the point of buzzed here at home. Lucas’ parents lifted their curfew on him ever since college, but it’s ingrained in him and activated the moment he’s surrounded by his mom’s eucalyptus oil scents when he steps over the threshold of his parents’ front door. That, and he’s promised to take his little brother to his dentist appointment the next morning so Lucas shakes his head no.

Hendery smiles. “Me neither. We can bail; I’ll drop you off at your place,” he offers. 

Lucas glances at his watch and phone lock screen, already planning to send off a text to his mom to let her know about Hendery's visit. “It’s still early. Stay a while.”

It’s quiet during the ride, a comfortable silence joined by the beginnings of an episode of Night Vale that Hendery is catching up on after putting it off since high school that used to creep Lucas out for some reason. They’d gotten into a silly debate over it before. He switches over to the radio in the meantime Lucas chooses a song from his phone.

“No, you’re _ not _playing Michael Bolton right after Ed Sheeran and Post Malone in succession,” Hendery complains, his eyes bugging out on the road ahead of him.

“But this song is timeless,” Lucas declares.

“We’re almost there. Don’t,” Hendery warns, already letting down the window for the rush of cool wind to drown out Lucas’ voice. Lucas just laughs when he hears the click of the car door unlocking as a threat. He sings anyway, off-pitch. He belts like his voice can make ripples in the clear night when they’re already parked in his own driveway and Hendery trails behind him looking both amused and distressed. 

His mom doesn’t show any surprise from her perch on the couch folding laundry when Lucas announces their presence. “Yes, I could hear you from outside. No noise after midnight, boys,” his mom calls out over an old sitcom playing on the television as they go up to his room.

“You know, maybe this is selfish,” Lucas deliberates after he’s changed his clothes and has become one with his bed. “You could have someone as hot as Jaehyun stick a hand down your pants and I think _ I’d _feel fulfilled on your behalf.”

Hendery looks round at him, spinning in the creaky computer chair from the desk with his arms folded over himself. “That sounds heart-warmingly supportive, and I think he’s nice and _ really _good-looking. But I don’t know,” he says dismissively.

“You won’t know just from the first fifteen minutes of talking.”

“He’s going back to Korea at the end of the summer. Well that, and his Instagram feed. What he seems like he needs is someone to also spot him at the gym,” Hendery tells him, waving his phone in front of Lucas' face.

“But you’re friends with me,” Lucas protests. Half his own Instagram feed shows off his post-gym selfies in muscle tees. 

Hendery’s eyes go softer. “Sorry. Suppose it doesn’t make much of a difference that you’re fun, easy to be with, great with cuddles, and I’ve known you half my life. You fit the bill better.” 

“I give the best cuddles. Want some?” Lucas offers, satisfied and warm all over. Being compared to a teddy bear is his favorite kind of compliment. 

Hendery walks over and rolls swiftly onto his bed so he lands parallel on his side, his face up close to Lucas'. “No thanks,” he yawns into the pillow, wriggling further into it. 

Lucas feels a thumb pressing lightly into his cheek where the dimple shows. Hendery used to compare him to those smiley dogs. “You have a thing for laugh lines?” Lucas scrunches up his nose.

Hendery pulls his hand back quickly. “Maybe.”

The quiet languid calm washes over, coats the room and sifts into Lucas' body, makes him yawn. He’s going to fall asleep soon. He squints up at the lights overhead, debating on whether or not to turn them off. His ceiling lights are in need of a replacement that’s long overdue so they make do with the shaky floor lamp in one corner next to the full length mirror, warm yellow pouring over their bare feet at the end of the bed. Hendery’s legs still leave a gap between his feet and the edge of the mattress, though a considerably smaller gap from when he was younger. If Lucas stretches himself, his own feet would dangle halfway off the edge. He offers to lend Hendery a shirt and pants and Hendery, lazy and comfortable enough as he is, takes up the offer. He emerges out of the bathroom after Lucas uses it, teeth brushed and shuffling back towards the bed with Lucas' old pajamas on.

“Do you still have a thing for people with the same height as you?” Lucas asks, out of curiosity.

Hendery had just received the _okay_ text from his parents in response to where he is when he drops his phone on his chest. Makes an offended noise. He used to be insecure about his height growing up. “They’re easier to kiss,” he says dryly, kicking at Lucas' shin lightly.

“Maybe you’re not kissing well enough,” Lucas jokes. He covers his mouth in a pointless attempt to cover his smile when Hendery glares at him. “I have years of experience now so I get to have a say in this,” he says just to tease.

“Prove it,” Hendery demands, and his expression shifts into something like pain as if he’s regretting what he just said. 

“Really?” He’s kidding, he has to be. But this is Hendery. A few years ago maybe this would count as bizarre. But now the implications of it don’t feel so out of place, like a missing jigsaw piece connecting one tooth to another. This fake boyfriend thing must really be doing a number on them both.

“Uh, I”— Hendery gulps, audibly. But his jaw sets. “Do it,” he dares, the clear challenge in his eyes.

Lucas can’t compare a blurry memory from childhood, to the present when he’s kissing Hendery when he’s twenty. It's careful, more a peck than a kiss. Hendery doesn't move at all the first few seconds, save for the flutter of his lashes against Lucas' cheek when he closes his eyes. But Lucas tilts his head a bit as best as he can while he's lying down and he kisses back, just as soft. It's not skin-crawling weird as it is just weird enough to give Lucas a pleasant rush.

"Better?" Lucas asks when Hendery shifts away.

Hendery's brows crease in confusion but clears when he seems to come back down to planet Earth. "Yeah. Fine. The first time _was_ fourth grade," he mumbles, pushing his face flat into his pillow in embarrassment.

  
  
\-------

A moment buried underneath digs itself up. It ripples through the calm of a still lake, a stream of bubbles gushing like hot geysers at a volcano, and the space in Lucas’ chest fills with it:

A year ago after they graduated high school and went down to Yangyang’s relatives’ vacation house in Santa Monica for a few days. The nights were clearer than most, and blanketed everything below in a beautiful woven stillness that it made the loudest people uncharacteristically quiet.

Hendery, ignoring all advice against, had spontaneously gone swimming in the dead of the night at the pool there when the cold breeze still brought shivers even in the summer.

“Here,” Lucas giggled, shaking his head at him. He’d brought Hendery a fresh towel, took off his parka and draped it over Hendery’s shaking shoulders. It enveloped his frame, left a lot of space for Lucas to slip a hand underneath the jacket, around his waist if he needed even more warmth. His hand would really take up two-thirds of Hendery’s waist and it's all he thought about as he’d zipped up his jacket for him, snagging on the metal teeth over his chest. Collarbones, mouth, don’t look at. He looked at Hendery's eyes instead, watery and dark behind the pool's lights reflecting off them. Sometimes Lucas gets the feeling that if he'd reach out, let his touch linger through the crackling air between, Hendery might meet him somewhere.

Lucas had ruffled his wet hair instead, icy cold to the touch and Hendery grinned and called him cute in Mandarin. It effectively broke the spell, the ripples created gone the next morning at breakfast. 

Now it stirs again, having been dormant. He’s not sure if it awoke when he'd kissed Hendery after the party. Or this moment now where he’s standing in the shower after having stumbled out of bed before his alarm or before his brother wakes him up himself. The spray of cold water from the spray adjusts to a warmer temperature, melts away the sleep from the corners of his eyes. It does nothing for the inconvenient aching stiffness of his morning erection.

Jerking off should be over in a matter of minutes really, more out of necessity than enjoyment. Lucas grasps around blindly for images at the edge of his mind, a mouth sliding down on his cock, curves arching underneath his hands. Most of the time, they were girls, faceless. Other times, he imagines desperate deep moans, hard muscle going taut against him and shifting. When that image appears, his mind makes the tumultuous inevitable leap towards Hendery’s mouth and how his lips might feel dragging down Lucas' neck. 

His hand on himself stills but the arousal worsens. It’s like an itch he’s been trying not to scratch. Think about something else, anything else and his mind hangs on to unfamiliarity: that pretty girl in his Ethics class who's got curves for days, the really attractive TA he had last sem, Mark's hot friend, Jaehyun. God no. His fist tightens around himself when his thoughts spring back to Hendery again like a boomerang. He bites his lip when his palm catches the precum, the water combined making it all the more easier. Imagines Hendery’s legs pulling Lucas' hips closer to his, what it might feel like if he could lick into his mouth and over his gums. Hendery would probably be attentive and patient enough to show Lucas how he’d like it. He'd always been offering to teach him how to do things better in school, or his video games, or when he gave him tips on how to drive a stick shift because Hendery had gotten his license first.

Lucas' eyes flutter open, blinking the water droplets away and he rests his forehead against the tiled wall. It should be fucked up, thinking of his friend while he’s doing this but he’s wandered and can’t back up fast enough. He lets out a soft pained sound when he slides his hand down to the base, firm and slow, while thinking about Hendery’s slim waist, the smell of his cologne that he never used to notice before until lately, him tender and bleary-eyed with sleep in nothing but boxers in his dorm room when Lucas comes over to shake him awake. He’s got a lot of those memories dancing around his consciousness—too many. Just as he feels the tightness of an orgasm rising, Lucas stops. 

His eyes fly open. The water stings his eyes and cuts through the haze of arousal. 

His pounding heart jumps to his throat when his alarm starts beeping from his phone on the sink counter, and he has to tiptoe out of the shower to turn it off. The screen switches back to the last thing open from last night, which is his chat with Hendery. 

Lucas winces, gives his own dick a chagrined look like he can will it to go soft that way. He carefully places the phone back down with hot acid rising in the crevices of the hollow space in his chest. Then he turns the knob from hot to cold, blasts himself with icy water and considers accompanying his family to their prayer sessions.

  
  
\-------

“What if, hypothetically,” Hendery’s voice swirls through the soupy mush in Lucas’ brain. “_Hypothetically, _we break up.”

Lucas peels himself off the armchair. It’s the hottest time of the day, and he’d roll over to face Hendery but that would mean getting blinded by the sun shining through the curtains behind him. Hendery helpfully draws them partly closed to stop the sunshine burning the back of his neck as he peers down at Lucas sprawled on one of the couches in Yangyang’s living room. It gets him to turn, face the sun's halo of a glow around Hendery’s head, sweat thin and gleaming on his neck. Lucas' stomach wrenches, guilty because he’s reminded of the morning just a few days ago, when he’d thought of Hendery in the shower. 

“Okay, hypothetically—why would you wanna break up? We’ve been doing great together,” Lucas whines, and pouts. His own voice doesn’t sound hollow; there’s substance, and he’s sure Hendery catches on to the tone because he looks confused for a second. 

“You’re right. Too great; it’s awful,” Hendery says, looking at him very seriously.

“That makes no sense.” Lucas lifts his head at Xiaojun helplessly, who’s long stopped scrolling through Netflix on his iPad, hooked up to the TV in place of watching them both. “Does that make sense to you?”

“No, it doesn’t,” Xiaojun replies but it’s the answer he knows Lucas wants to hear. When Hendery isn’t looking, Lucas sees Xiaojun’s eyes narrow, perceptively trying to pick apart the layers of tension that Lucas has grown wary of in the past few days.

“Maybe you both should talk in private,” Yangyang says, balancing a small box of popsicles in one hand, and a jug of cold water in the other when he emerges from the kitchen. Lucas scrambles over from the couch to pour himself a glass of water.

“You know what, we can tell people that we’re on a break,” Hendery tries.

Lucas coughs over his glass. “Details?”

Hendery’s face falls at the implication that he has to actually think, opens his mouth, closes it again. “Never mind,” Hendery huffs, wiping the sweat off his brow as he sinks down next to Lucas on the carpeted floor. Yangyang’s living room around this time of the year doesn't get as hot as Lucas' childhood summer vacations in Hong Kong, or worse, his maternal's grandma's house in Thailand. But still.

Lucas looks at Xiaojun and Yangyang flicking between movies near the TV and talking about options and lowers his voice. “If this is about what happened the other day”—

“What? No, it’s not your fault,” Hendery interjects, mortified at the topic. He’s been a prude about it. “I asked for it,” he says, looking guilty.

“We can stop,” Lucas suggests, throat dry. He downs his glass of water. Hendery’s face goes pensive. He begins to say something, but Yangyang’s voice rings through the room.

“Sorry to interrupt your so-called lovers’ spat but we’re watching World War Z so you all can _ finally _understand the atrocity of the film adaptation compared to the book. Or whatever—watch and enjoy it,” Yangyang adds, nodding at Lucas, who certainly did not finish reading the book. 

“Adaptation,” Xiaojun emphasizes. “What part of adaptation do you not get?”

“The part where they clearly retconned two-thirds of the whole thing and dropped Brad Pitt in the film to earn extra points,” Yangyang states.

Lucas shifts uncomfortably, wants to continue with what Hendery has to say to him but he doesn’t know how to, for the first time. He just rests his palm on Hendery's knee, an unconscious habit. He feels him stiffen and Hendery abruptly stands up, mutters something about needing more ice cubes to put in the water jug when there’s plenty of ice already. 

When he gets back, he sits directly behind Lucas on the couch, cross-legged. Lucas focuses on not making a mess out of the peach popsicle he’s grabbed, keeps his eyes directly ahead on the marred, twisted faces of the infected onscreen. After a while, he feels Hendery curl his toes against his bare shoulders behind him, and there’s a funny twist in his stomach. They’d had petty arguments before throughout their friendship that were resolved quickly and easily with a few laughs. But this thing of an issue disguised as a non-argument is a different hurdle. Lucas doesn’t handle passivity well, always has to relearn the different ways it shows.

Although each way he looks at the situation won’t really make a difference. The dull groans and screeches from the TV echo through the room. 

For now Hendery lets him rest his head against his shin and the couch, savors the cold sweetness in his mouth to keep from wincing at the soldiers dying from zombies infiltrating the high wall of Jerusalem. 

\-------

The one time Lucas tried to skateboard recently resulted in him getting a sick-looking scar some time in the spring semester. 

It all happened so fast. His knee collided heavy on the edge of cracked concrete and his whole right leg had been numb with heat, thunder roaring through his joint for a split second. Lucas told himself to stay strong when he saw the amount of blood and Kun had gotten so stressed out when he’d heard. He hissed through his teeth when Lucas told him on the phone it had been Hendery’s skateboard, and replied “Good, because I would have been _ so _ disappointed if it was a penny board. Those things are dumb, Xuxi. Congrats on acing that presentation though,” he adds, and the world rights itself because Kun remembers why Lucas was so happy he tried to fly on Hendery’s skateboard.

The shadows of Lucas' knobbly knee and scar practically form a happy face under the right light. Hendery laughs at this when he points it out, because he laughs at anything Lucas says, and mirrors the lopsided face with his own smile. The goosebumps follow where his fingers pokes around the uneven skin below Lucas' knee, and his leg jolts upward like a reflex, but Lucas doesn’t mind. He’s learned not to when Hendery used to press the skin near another smaller, less deeper scar Lucas has on his left elbow—he’d gotten it from a clumsy accident hiking on a camping trip when he was in middle school. Hendery had stayed with him too, solemnly helped their camp leader hold the first aid bandages. They’d been fourteen then, too grown to cry until Lucas saw Dobby die on the big screen in part 1 of Deathly Hallows and added more salt to the popcorn with his tears.

Ten has Hendery’s teary eyes and red sniffling nose on video when he’d sat next to Lucas at the infirmary on their university campus. Lucas still giggles to himself on the rare occasion he comes across the video on his camera roll.

Right now, Renjun is going through Lucas' camera roll watching the very same video on the queen-sized bed of what he’s sure used to be Yuta’s older sister’s room while music from the party thumps in dull soundwaves through the floorboards. That feeling of gliding upwards even though you’re really hurtling downwards, is what he feels like now after taking hits from Yuta’s blunt.

“This isn’t incriminating when I’ve seen this already,” Renjun says, lowering down Lucas' phone. Right—Ten had posted it as a snap that day _ and _sent it to their group chat. “But it’s alright. Yuta would have still let you use the room anyway.”

Because Renjun is trying to avoid someone tonight and doesn’t like getting drunk either, he’s been tasked by Yuta to keep the rooms monitored by way of having people pay to use it with barter of a) liquor, b) mints and tiny hotel shampoo bottles anyone has lying around because apparently that brings his mystery boyfriend joy or c) something interesting to the point of blackmail-worthy about yourself or the person you’re hooking up with in this room. Renjun chanted _ boring _to every one of Lucas' stories, which Lucas hasn’t been telling well in his current state, so at Hendery’s expense, he pulled up the video. 

Lucas rolls over on the bed, fixes Renjun a bleary stare and giggles at him. “Why is that?”

“Because he actually really likes how the two of you look together,” Renjun simply replies, shrugging from where he’s seated on the old pathetic bean bag in the room.

Lucas bites his lip. “I don’t think Hendery likes the idea of us being together anymore,” he murmurs, more to his own hands than Renjun. 

“Um,” Renjun hesitates. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

Lucas closes his eyes. “We’re taking a rain check on our breakup.”

“What the fuck does that even mean?” Renjun scowls at him.

“I’m too good of a boyfriend and I think he is too and we both don’t know how to handle that anymore.”

“Okaaay?”

“I don’t wanna break up. I want to keep holding his hand, maybe do more,” Lucas confesses. The sadness comes over him in waves, and it’s true he has no idea how to deal with it. In a way, maybe, this is a wonderful revelation, finding out the attraction to one of your best friends you've been suppressing is something that was there for a while. But now it just feels a little sad. So he settles for staring at the ceiling, wondering if he’ll discover a new universe full of answers if it swallows him up.

“Does he know that?” 

Lucas licks his lips. His mouth is _ so _ dry. “No.”

Renjun hums loudly. “Then there you have it. You should tell him that.”

As if on cue, there’s a series of knocks and the door creaks open. Hendery pokes his head in the room, mouths an _ ah _when he spots Lucas.

“You made it!” Lucas calls, makes to start bounding at him but his limbs stay glued to the mattress.

Hendery’s eyes go wider as he approaches, if that’s even possible. “Did you smoke some earlier?” 

“Not enough for both of us,” Lucas mumbles, sitting on the edge of the mattress and reaching out for Hendery’s hand. His palm is slightly moist, looks tiny in Lucas' hand. “Your hands are so pretty,” he whispers.

“He’s the gayer kind of high, isn’t he?” Renjun observes gleefully, and Hendery snorts in agreement in front of Lucas, who tries to process that. “I’ll leave you two to it.” 

Once they’re alone, it’s silent save for Drake's song switching over to Khalid in the far off background. 

“You look bothered,” Lucas tells him. 

Hendery runs a hand through his hair to sweep his own bangs from his eyes. “So have you,” he points out. He moves to stand in front of Lucas. Scrutinizes his face while he lifts Lucas’ chin with his hand. “You can’t go home like this. We’re getting you a double-double after this party,” Hendery says and Lucas feels affection beating behind his chest, like something’s sprouted wings inside him and he’s flying up and up.

When Hendery’s this close, he can smell the clean scent of cologne. Hendery wears the same cologne on most days. He’s deathly terrified of frogs. He’s an okay kisser. Pick out two truths and one lie out of the three. It’s the kind of shit Lucas thinks about when he’s high. 

Hendery knows this about him because he’s snickering at what must be the dumbest, most dopey expression on Lucas’ face. “Thinking about something?” He asks.

Lucas bites his lip. “Do you change up your cologne?” Lucas asks.

Hendery hums, decides to humor him. “Not really.”

“You still scared of frogs?”

Hendery’s eyes bug out, predictably. “Yeah,” he affirms.

“Two truths. I was trying to list down two truths and one lie about you,” Lucas says, looking up at Hendery.

“Okay. So what’s the lie?”

Lucas ducks his head, tries to cover the embarrassed laugh with his hand. Hendery shoves at his shoulder and bargains with “Tell me or we’re not getting burgers.”

“What? That’s not fair,” Lucas whines and but still laughs when he says “You’re just _alright_ at kissing.”

Hendery is completely still in front of him, eyes wide. "What? Was that another truth?” Lucas teases.

“I dunno. You decide,” Hendery says slowly, steps into the space in front of Lucas tentatively to peer at him better. He parts his thighs for Hendery to stand even closer right in front of him on the edge of the bed.

Lucas reaches up to brush his thumb against the corner of Hendery’s mouth. Then his head is tilted back again, and Hendery is pressing his lips against his. There’s purpose, like he’s trying to learn how Lucas kisses. Hendery absorbs things down to its details, loses himself in it like he does when he used to be nose-deep in his novels and Lucas is just trying not to just lose himself in what seems like a fever dream.

He’s trapped Hendery in between his legs and he’s pushed until his back hits the mattress, his mind following after his body. One of Hendery’s thighs slides against the front of his jeans and oops, _fuck. _Lucas moans quietly into his mouth. It’s so easy for him to get turned on, pop a boner when he smokes. He keeps his hands on Hendery’s back and does his best not to drag them elsewhere and instead takes in the faint taste of citrus on his tongue. Probably the lemon and orange slices downstairs next to the tequila that Hendery doesn’t drink, but will sneakily pluck a fruit slice or two for himself. They pull apart and Hendery's eyes are like pools of dark liquid. Almost the same dark without the pool lights reflected in them that night at Yangyang's vacation home.

He leans down again to kiss Lucas, and it starts out soft but Lucas curls his hand over his neck and licks into his mouth and then Hendery's whimpering against his lips. Hendery's mouth presses along Lucas' jaw, his ear and Lucas unconsciously pulls at his hips over him so he's resting half of his weight on Lucas. Lucas kisses along Hendery's chin, tastes the faint salt at the hollow where his collarbones meet and it's all too much. His mind is reeling, still on that weird headiness from the weed and he's kissed people while high before, but this is the first time it kind of feels like he might be dying, dramatically speaking with the pounding steady rhythm of his heart in his ears. But it's a good way to go like this, Hendery pressed on top of him, Lucas' hands carding through his hair as they kiss slower, trying to drag this out.

“I’ll give you my truths and a lie,” Hendery says after he pulls away, eyes half-lidded over a look so tender, a look Lucas scares himself about when he tries to put a name to it. "Hey, let's get out of here and get food. I'm driving.”

  
  
\-------

He lists it down like this: Hendery likes how The Last Jedi ended. He had a thing for Lucas in middle school. He's not that much of a good liar.

Lucas coughs over drinking his soda too fast. “That’s too hard!” He protests weakly, fully aware his face must be a brilliant shade of red.

Across him, Hendery’s cheeks are dusted with their own blush as he scoffs, and points at Lucas with an animal fry. “Just answer.”

Shit, Lucas thinks to himself, chewing on his straw anxiously because this is exactly like walking into a glass door he knows is there but still _cannot _see. “First two—the first two are truths,” he finally decides.

“Nope,” Hendery says. He clasps his hands over the table and pulls at the sleeves of his denim jacket. “I started to have a thing for you in high school, after I transferred. Not in middle school. So yeah, that’s—that’s the lie,” he confesses shyly, scratching the back of his head.

Lucas thinks he’s gonna be sick, but a good kind of sick. Hendery continues to nervously press little dents into the side of his plastic cup, the silence obviously getting to him. 

“I think—that I really like you. For real. I don't really want to break up,” Lucas finally admits, heart thumping like he’s on the edge of a cliff, bracing himself against winds that might tip him off. "Did—did you know?" Lucas dares to ask because well, Hendery is smart and Lucas isn't the most subtle person at times.

Hendery drops his gaze, breathes out a soft sigh. “I did. I thought I imagined it though, like it was wishful thinking," he mutters.

"Wishful thinking?" Lucas blinks, runs a hand over his face to try and wipe away the heat from his cheeks when he groans, "I wished this whole thing we were doing was real."

Hendery's shoulders sag, the relief deflating out of him. “Good.” Hendery smiles and leans forward. "I'm not a very good liar, not for long."

There in Lucas' heart and the cavity of it, he'll grow another fold and cavern, to accommodate this honesty. He isn't very good at lying either anyway. 

When they're back at Lucas' house, already dark and silent, it's an awkward fumbling trip around his room. Both of them putter about, not knowing where to look even if they've undressed and changed a million times before in the same room. Lucas takes off his watch, sets it down on his dresser. He listens to Hendery pushing the drawer of extra toothbrushes and toiletries closed. Hendery watches him silently when Lucas approaches him, reaches out to loosely hold his hand.

"Can I?" He asks him and Hendery nods.

He’s unsure about reciprocating at first and Lucas means for the kiss to be gentle. But Hendery kisses back with more eagerness Lucas anticipated from him, and it's automatic how Lucas' mouth opens up for him. He puts a hand on Lucas' chest and clutches the front of his shirt while he sinks down on the bed_. _Hendery’s palm that curls over his neck is searing hot to the touch. 

All by himself in his own fantasies, Lucas couldn't have imagined this. He lets out an embarrassing gasp when he feels teeth graze his bottom lip, and it’s a furnace turned up below Lucas. Like if he lets himself sink his weight on Hendery, something inside him might combust. He’s surprised that doesn’t happen when Hendery wraps his legs halfway over Lucas' narrow hips, tugging him downwards so Lucas can feel Hendery’s erection against his stomach.

"Shit," Lucas squeaks out when he feels his own cock jump. "Do you want to stop?" Lucas asks.

"No," Hendery murmurs against his shoulder. "You haven't been hard since the party, have you?"

"Shut up, I have _not,_" Lucas groans when Hendery sucks lightly at his collarbones.

For the second time tonight Hendery's hand trails down Lucas' front, but stills just before his crotch. "Can I try to?—" He begins.

They do just enough to tug Lucas' pants down until Hendery's able to get his hand around him, tugging at his cock and thumb swiping over the head, firm at the underside. Added that he keeps his mouth on Lucas', swallows down all of his moans, Lucas bucks his hips into Hendery’s hand while he holds himself up until he finally comes with a deep groan into his neck.

"Oh fuck. I'm sorry, these are your clothes," Hendery says breathlessly when he stares at the mess Lucas has made on the shirt Hendery's wearing. Lucas just laughs, voice hoarse as he gets Hendery to lift up his arms and take off the soiled shirt.

Lucas is still warm with the delicious buzz of the orgasm when he slides his mouth down Hendery. 

"Holy shit," Hendery gasps. Lucas closes his eyes, drags his tongue harder on the underside, which coaxes more desperate sounds out of Hendery. He's usually on the receiving end of a blowjob so he hasn't had much practice at _this _part and instead goes along with what he'd like. Apparently Hendery finds that hard to believe. "_You _don't know what you're doing? Dude, what the f—Just keep going _please,_" Hendery tells him, voice strained and tight so Lucas dives back into it with his determination reset to full.

It still helps that he guides Lucas through it with soft words, fingers threaded in his hair. Lucas remembers to breathe right, uses his hand in the mix and maybe Hendery's been worked up too from their kissing at the party just a couple of hours ago because he's coming into Lucas' mouth soon enough.

Hendery lets himself be dragged into Lucas' arms later on, his heart stuttering in happiness when he's able to press his lips into Hendery's hair this time and have it actually mean something very real.

"Why high school?" Lucas asks.

Hendery shifts a little. "Other than me being miserable the first week at my new school because you weren't there? That made me realize I'd probably never meet another kid like you but I thought it was, just you know, me missing one of my closest friends. I don't really remember exactly why or how," he says slowly, pulling away to look at Lucas properly. "Although vaguely, I just had a weird revelation one day, when you and your family came over for Christmas and you just—looked really good," he mumbles.

"Oh," is all Lucas can say and then "well, thank you".

"Look, this is a moment," Hendery whines, covering his eyes.

"I'm sorry." Lucas nudges him. "Go on."

“I never said anything because you’re just y’know, we were just bros. I didn’t know how to deal with that, and I thought it’d go away soon enough,” Hendery explains.

There’s a quiet lull, after Lucas hums in understanding. Then he laughs a bit, Hendery frowning at him. "So, just because I'm hot?" Lucas smiles. "You’re a real romantic."

"There are other reasons," Hendery shoots at him, trying to scramble away when Lucas snickers and tries to cage Hendery in with his long arms again. 

"Well. I'm also sorry now, about you wanting to keep your abstinence and shit," Lucas says nervously, especially when Hendery fixes him with a look like he's about to jump out the window across the bed.

"What the hell I was thinking then," Hendery breathes, pinching the bridge of his nose. "For you. It's an exception," he says quickly, letting Lucas drape an arm over his stomach.

\-------

The sun starts to hide after August rolls in and they've longed unpacked their bags again at their dorm rooms with fresh summer tan lines when the new semester starts. But Lucas knows how to bring it out for himself with success when he tells Hendery how proud he is of him for working hard, when they talk well into the night after their friends have left, or when he kisses the laugh lines beside Hendery's eyes. 

Or he uses the guitar he's borrowed from Xiaojun, strumming slightly off-tune with the occasional awful twinge of the strings.

"Go away Xuxi," Hendery calls out, still rubbing away the sleep from his eyes at 6 in the morning from his dorm room's window on the third floor, as he scowls down at Lucas serenading him. He's beginning with the opening lines of _How Am I Supposed To Live Without You_.

Ten, Hendery’s roommate, sticks his head out through the window next to Hendery and squints down at Lucas. “What the actual fuck have you done to your boyfriend?” He says to Hendery, who is sputtering out some response when Lucas sees Ten take out his phone, give him a thumbs up while calling out with a hand curled around his mouth: “Keep going, Lucas! You’re doing amazing, sweetie.”

"The RA is going to murder you," Hendery calls, but there's no concern laced in his tone.

So Lucas sings louder, puts more heart into it when he gets to the chorus, until he can see the sun rise again when Hendery finally cracks a huge toothy smile behind his hands covering his face in embarrassment. Then he outright laughs at Lucas when said RA finally kicks the front door open and chases Lucas away.

**Author's Note:**

> accepted the fact that i love cramming too much backstory and namedropping fromis_9 members into this. also accepted that i cannot finish writing fic as fast as i used to want, it’s humbling. if u managed to read this all, i can’t thank you enough T_T
> 
> comments and kudos are very much appreciated ❤️
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/fractalkiss) \+ [cc](https://curiouscat.me/fractalkkiss)


End file.
